Green Flags For Him
He opens with a detailed message about himself and what he is looking for. Bonus points if he includes something specific he liked about your profile.
He suggests a time (or multiple times to choose from) to meet. He suggests a nice place or shows enthusiasm about the place you choose.
He sends photos without you having to ask, or explains why he isn’t comfortable sending photos yet and provides some form of verification.
He is clear that he understands what a sugar relationship is, and communicates exactly what he wants without being overtly sexual.
During the M&G, he asks questions about you and listens to what you have to say. He is open to talking about the terms of the arrangement. You are able to come to an agreement about what works for you both. You feel comfortable telling him your needs. You have the sense that he wants to make you happy.
He makes it clear that he is happy to see you and is enjoying your company. By the end, you feel that you are both on the same page, and are ideally looking forward to a second date.
Yellow Flags For Him
He opens with a generic message like “How are you?”. If his profile is detailed it’s not a big deal.
He wants to meet but insists you choose the time/place and doesn’t give much input.
He sends photos only after being asked (despite requesting more pictures from you.)
He asks, “What are you looking for?” and then answers, “I could do that.” He is not clear about what he wants or expects. Maybe he could do that, maybe not. Some men will say anything.
The M&G is awkward. The conversation doesn’t flow well. You feel like you are carrying the conversation.
You leave the date unsure about how you feel. It could just be the awkwardness of meeting a new person, or it could be a bad fit. It’s up to you to decide if you want to move forward.
Red Flags For Him
He opens with a generic compliment or some other odd statement that is difficult to reply to. (“Wow!” “You’re so sexy!”) He opens with an overtly sexual message about his fetishes or desires, or he brings them up before talking about anything else. He opens by saying he is only in your city for one night (a few days, one week) and wants to meet up.
He wants to meet immediately. He insists on picking you up (personally, I think even offering is weird.) He insists you meet at his house. Or he insists you choose the location for the date, but then rejects your choice without offering another option.
He keeps asking you for more photos (even if he has sent some.) He asks you for “sexy” or nude photos before you have met. His photos are clearly decades old. He refuses to send any photos at all or do a video call. You aren’t the least bit attracted to him.
He asks what you are looking for, and then tries to talk you down. The wealthier he claims to be, the more concerning this is. A gentleman will simply tell you he is not able to meet your needs and try to compromise or let you go. He tells you he doesn’t want to talk about money. He tells you he doesn’t want something “transactional”. He tells you that you can ask him for “help” sometimes if you “need” it, but that’s it. He makes vague promises but refuses to be specific about his capabilities.
He tries to engage with you sexually before agreeing on the terms of the arrangement and gets offended when you reject his advances. Or he makes advances and you feel like you can’t say “No”, even though you want to. At any point, you feel uncomfortable bringing up the terms of the arrangement with him, telling him how you feel, or asking for what you need.
The M&G is chaotic. Maybe there were some exciting parts, but there were also things you did not like. He interrupts you. He insists on ordering for you. He spends the whole time talking about himself. He gives you back-handed compliments. He criticizes you in any way. He has bad hygiene or doesn’t dress well. He shows up excessively late (15+mins). He doesn’t look like his pictures or used certain pictures to hide that he was overweight. He insists you get in his car. He feels entitled to sex after the date. You didn’t discuss the terms of the arrangement at all. Or, you agree on terms, and he demands you delete your account and stop seeing anyone else.
He brings up marriage, commitment, children, or making other major life decisions with you like they are no big deal. You don’t have any reason to trust that he is who he says he is (claims to be a millionaire businessman but has no social skills, his story lacks any real details, etc). He asks you highly personal questions. He tells you too much personal information about himself. Going into detail about his divorce, his marital problems or his complaints about his past girlfriend/sugar baby is a sign for you to RUN!!!! You leave the date feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, irritated, or sad.
Green Flags For Her
She contacts you with something other than “hey sexy x” or “hey handsome”. Something like “Hi, I saw your profile and I really liked what you wrote. Would you like to chat?"
They have pictures that are clear and not overtly sexual. So they’re wearing a nice dress and doing something normal like going to a nice restaurant, so the dress is in context with what she’s doing.
She’s happy to follow your lead and lets you offer a time and place. If it’s no good she offers a reasonable alternative.
Money does not come into the conversation. She’s focused on developing a rapport with you first and foremost. Saying that it does help if she’s completely upfront with what she wants. If she REALLY wants money then it's obviously best to know upfront immediately so you can make an informed decision on how to proceed. The worst is being blindsided while you’re in a "compromising" position. A lot of girls resort to this tactic. Even if you’re not interested in paying and you want to act more like an experience daddy, it’s still a green flag if a girl is upfront about how much she needs the actual money
While on the initial meet and greet she’s chatty, open not standoffish. She’s engaged and engaging in conversation. And she’s interested in finding out more about you.
She doesn’t expect you to take her to dinner. But if you do end up eating out she orders respectfully.
She’s nice to the staff and she doesn’t order too much food so she can take it home with her.
Yellow Flags For Her
She responds to your initial message with something monosyllabic. Like yes, no, maybe. I get the girls, especially if they’re attractive, get inundated with messages, so I tend to throw them a pass initially. But if the next couple of messages is shit as well then I’m out. You want someone who is at least putting SOME effort into their interactions with you.
Also, if she opens with “Hey x”, I’m really suspicious.
They insist on choosing the time and place. You want a girl who’ll let you take the lead. That means of course that you must take the lead. Or they choose a place close to them and far away from you. I say it’s better to meet them at a central location for the first meet. If you’re looking for a first date lay then you’re going to have to scout this area and get your logistics sorted. That’s your job as a man. But you really don’t want them to be dictating the course of the night
Her photos seem a tad suspicious, or she only has one photo that doesn’t show her face. Or she looks ok but her photos are blurry or poor quality. Everyone has a decent camera in their pocket nowadays. There’s pretty much no excuse for posting bad photos.
If she’s in a photo with a guy I’d be curious as to whom that guy was. Group photos are ok with a bunch of your friends as long as it's been established which one you are in the group, but if she has got photos of her with just a guy or its obvious she has tried to crop a guy out of a photo then I’d be raising a few eyebrows.
If they have kids. Now, for me, I have a child so dating someone with a child as well isn’t that much of a big deal, as long as she’s not looking for someone to save her financially. If they're looking for someone to bail her and her kid out of a financial mess because the ex has taken off and left her with nothing but the kid, that’s horrible, the guy that left is a total fucking arsehole, but the fact remains that it isn’t your responsibility. So if I’m going to date someone with a kid then they mustn’t be drowning in debt and they must have a steady job.
If she says stuff like how do you plan on spoiling me, or other subtle hints like mentioning restaurants she likes or places she’d like to visit but can’t because of a lack of funds, just keep your guard up. I think at this early stage you don’t need to be super sensitive about the stuff she says and of course, everything has to be taken in context.
If she mentions she needs a “discreet” arrangement. Now, this could mean she already has a boyfriend and she needs to keep this on the down low, and if that’s the case that’s an instant red flag as far as I’m concerned, BUT it could also mean she comes from a cultural background where there would be a large social stigma attached to what she’s doing by her family and friends or whatever. So she could come from a very culturally conservative background for example. This thing here is, you have no idea, and you need more information before you make a judgement call, so it should be a proceed with caution, rather than a full-on Stop, go back! Situation.
If you feel like you’re carrying the conversation during the meet and greet. Like you’re asking all the questions and she’s very clipped and not giving you much back. Ok, she could be just very nervous and a lot of the younger ones are despite their seeming bravado before you meet. It could be a bad fit but it could just be a bad date, and we all have bad days and good days. Personally, If things aren’t going well or she seems very standoffish I’ll call it out in a nice way, like I’ll say something like “I can tell this is making you quite nervous..” and see what she does with that. Then follow up with something about finding it hard to open up to strangers too. You just need to acknowledge the awkwardness. Most of the time just having this acknowledgement breaks the ice. Like if you start talking about why you think you’re quite closed off, essentially risking being vulnerable in front of her, she’ll very rarely not open up in kind. In fact, even if you open up to her and you get an “oh that’s nice” kinda response from her then I’d respond to that with something along the lines of “Wow I’ve just bled my heart out you, now I kinda feel stupid haha!” And see what she does with that! 9 times out of 10 she’s going to laugh, realise how cagey she’s being and open up. However, if She still doesn’t that’s an instant red flag
Red Flags For Her
Being contacted by a girl is always really nice, but if she opens with an overly sexualised message like “hey handsome”, you can pretty much guarantee she's a prostitute.
Also, if she rushes to set up a time and place to meet, she's a hooker. It’s the old rule guys, if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.
Photos-wise, if she starts off requesting to see your private photos, like that’s her opening gambit, treat her exactly the same as how women treat men who do this. NEXT!
Also, regarding her photos, if her main photo is her wearing some pretty kinky lingerie or in fact kind of over-sexualised photo, you are not seeing that girl without paying her for her time. If that doesn’t bother you, then ok, proceed right ahead, but I just don’t know why you wouldn’t just get a prostitute. Just one thing though, she may have photos that are a bit racy that are private. That’s not the same as having it as her main photo.
If she’s all about the stuff you’re going to buy her before you meet, pull the pin.
Is she kind to the staff? If not, she’s out!
If she’s more than 15 minutes late without a damn good reason, she’s out!
If she brings her friend with her and then expects you to buy them BOTH drinks all night, she’s fucking out. And no, 99 times out of one hundred, you’re not getting a threesome, you’re just getting used up.
If she starts bad-mouthing her ex, OR can’t stop talking about her ex, well then she ain't over her ex. She’s out!
If she doesn’t look like her pictures, she is so fucking gone! If the girl rocks up and she’s 30 pounds heavier than she had advertised. That is completely false advertising. She’s out.
If she starts excessively drinking or ordering excessive amounts of food at a restaurant then stop the date immediately. You’re not there to be used up. I’m not saying you need to order for her because nobody likes that, and she’s allowed to order the 30-day aged A5 wagyu steak if that’s what she really wants and you’ve taken her to a place with it on the menu. But if she orders like 2 entrees and 3 desserts on top of that then she’s obviously taking the piss.
If she feels entitled to money that you hadn’t agreed on before the date then RUN.