What I’m going to dicuss in this blog is a woman who is considering doing something that is completely and utterly absurd. But why is this seemingly rational woman even considering potentially throwing her life away?
So, I was reading Reddit posts one night after work when I stumbled upon this article:
Please talk me (30f) out of contacting an older man (47m) I had a relationship with when I was 14-15
He was a friend of my parents and I had an online relationship with him when I was 15 and he was 32. It was somewhere in between a relationship and grooming/abuse. It's complicated - it was consensual and I personally didn't (and still don't) feel taken advantage of. He was very handsome. Even though he was 32 and a grown man at 6'3 and 200 lbs, he had this messy blond hair and cheeky smile, which made him seem really cute. I definitely had a huge crush on him, so it was very exciting when he reciprocated my feelings.
I just remember how he made me feel so special like I was the only girl in the world. I was a nerd at school so the sexual attention was pretty new to me back then. We mostly talked on the phone. We would have these late-night conversations, sometimes for hours, and it was also one of the first times I remember being turned on. There were some emails and some old-fashioned text messages as well, and I sent him nude pictures of me which I had taken with a digital camera. He would complement me and make me feel so good about myself.
He did pressure me for photos though, and he wanted to take my virginity when I was 16 (legal age in my country) and meet up in secret before then to make out/fool around but nothing happened. I was quite nervous about getting in trouble with my parents so I never went through with it in real life. I was devastated when he ended things with me because his wife found out about us, but it was clear he didn't want to break up with me. He contacted me again when I was 21 but I had moved on by then so I ignored his messages.
Now I'm married with two kids and my husband and I are going through some issues in our marriage (we are already seeing a therapist). I keep thinking about... I know it sounds crazy... But I want to have an affair with him for closure. Just once to see what it would be like. I googled him out of curiosity and his work website came up with his picture. He looks the same, just with a little more wrinkles now, but still the same hair and smile
I know I shouldn't, but I've been considering it for weeks and I feel more and more tempted each time. A few days ago, I started writing an email but then deleted it. I know it's a terrible idea, but I don't know how to stop myself
tl;dr I'm still attracted to the man who groomed me when I was young and I want to have an affair with him
So, I’m pretty sure we can all agree that her having an affair with this guy is a terrible idea, for multiple reasons.
But what I want to discuss is why she’s even contemplating doing this in the first place.
Think of it. She’s considering potentially fucking up her marriage so she can have a fling with a guy who has tendencies towards paedophilia and adultery. Her chances of coming out on top in this situation are low. Because it’s friggin hard to keep a secret in this day and age, and do you think if she gets caught and the husband dumps her ass, that this other guy will step in, take care of her and they’ll live happily ever after in a happy healthy relationship? (shrugs).
So why is she doing this?
Well, what you have here is an extreme example of what the red pill calls an alpha widow
An alpha widow is a woman is pines for an ex-lover, because her relationship with her current partner lacks the passion and spark that she had with the ex. Her ex may have been a drug dealer, or a drug addict, or a paedophile like in this situation. And her current partner may be objectively better for her in every measurable way, but regardless of all this she still mourns for what’s been lost and she’s had to resign to the fact that she may never have, whatever the feeling was that she got from her ex, with her current partner.
There is a saying that women will make rules for a beta, and break rules for an alpha. This woman is seriously considering ruining her marriage and breaking so many social conventions to have an affair with a man who has tendencies towards paedophilia. But this doesn’t seem to matter as she defends his actions by saying that she was just as attracted to him as he was to her and that if anything sexual did happen between them, that it would be entirely consensual.
She’s completely forgotten, or at the very least dismissive of the fact that this guy, on top of everything else that’s wrong with this picture, was also married to someone else at the time.
She’s overlooked all this, as all she wants, all she yearns for, is the passion and the spark that she felt for this alpha male, that she is clearly missing in her relationship to her dutiful beta husband.
So, this is a pretty extreme example, but what are tell-tale signs that you may be in a relationship with an alpha widow? That she might be holding back and not be giving her best to you?
Well, as I said before, a woman will break the rules for an alpha, and make them for a beta. If you believe you’re not getting her best in the bedroom, if she refuses to do certain things that you like, or positions that you like, or she never initiates or she treats sex as a reward that she bestows on you for being a good little boy, and uses the excuse that “she’s been ruined by other men, and she can’t do that stuff anymore” if you try to jazz things up in the bedroom, well, then, that’s probably a pretty good indicator that you’re in a relationship where transactional sex is the norm and she views you primarily as a provider of resources and not as a man with whom she has genuine desire for.
I suspect, and I have no research to back this up, just my own anecdotal experience, that most guys have never experienced true desire from a woman. To feel a woman completely let go and submit completely to their man and just let their man do whatever they want to them. And, in this day and age, where so many women think that submitting to their man in any way means that they’re submitting to the “oppressive patriarchy”, that line of thinking just makes everyone miserable. In fact, I think it’s one of the main causes of unhappy relationships, this “equality” of the sexes.
There has to be a leader in a relationship. And if it isn’t you, it’s gonna be her, and she’ll end up resenting you for making her the leader. I’ve witnessed this so many times personally. Women don’t want control in the relationship. They want a guy who will stick to their guns and stay on their purpose and be the head of the house, even when their woman is giving them hell. And they want to be put in their place. Because they want to feel like they can trust you and make them feel safe, even when they’re being complete randoms.
Not succumbing to a woman’s frame, and staying in your own frame, even when seriously tested, is the only way to generate true desire in her. Helping out with the household chores, or buying her gifts or being super nice and compliant is just going to make her even more shitty and bitchy with you. It’s why sex dries up after a marriage. Because the guys have turned his woman off through being overly conciliatory, like he’s been told to be by the women in his life.
Ok, so what can you do, as a guy, if you suspect you are the partner of an alpha widow, or your partner is pining for a lost love and isn’t giving you her best.
Well, unfortunately not much. Besides make a choice. If you’re happy living a life in someone else’s shadow, and can live with the knowledge that your wife or partner secretly resents you for making her settle for you instead of a real man who knows how to take charge, well then stay in your relationship. However, if you feel like you deserve better, then act like you deserve better. This may mean leaving your relationship and finding someone who does treat you as their king. Instead of a fucking plow horse.
But that’s the main question you have to ask yourself. Do you want to be a king, or a plow horse?
Now going back to that reddit thread, I’d say it’s all over for the two of them. She’s looking to cheat. If she doesn’t cheat with the paedophile dude, she’ll find someone else to cheat with. She’s longing for something that her husband can’t give her, even if they decide to go through a whole bunch of bullshit counselling. Because you can’t negotiate desire in someone. Desire happens spontaneously and naturally; it’s not manifested during a counselling session. In this particular situation she’s not missing her connection with her spouse, that’s not what’s going on here. I think it can be misconstrued as that. She’s after excitement, and passion. She wants to do something crazy and debaucherous. She’s a rebel who’s been caged in a typical suburban family household. And she’s trying to repress her natural feelings to rebel. It’s only a matter of time before she succumbs to them.