Busted Watching Porn!!
So, I got an interesting message the other day from a long-term client:
“Hey Stu, you’ve gotta help me dude, my missus busted me wacking off to porn last night. She’s gone off her tits and now I’m in the doghouse. What should I do?”
After I had finished pissing myself laughing, I got down to business.
So, the first thing that struck me about this situation was to ask why she went off her tits? I mean, I’m assuming this girl has seen her romantic partners dangly bits in all their priapic glory before, so why the perceived overreaction??
Now I do have to say at this stage that I personally believe that if a girl has hang ups around her guy watching porn in private every now and then because, I dunno, maybe he just can’t be bothered going through the process of seducing his missus tonight because he’s had a huge day at work, then this is a BIG red flag. Seriously boys, you really don’t need a chick accusing you of cheating on her every time you decide you just want to rub one out for convenience’s sake. Girls who carry on like this are either seriously insecure, or have some “rule”, usually driven by organised religion or a belief in militant feminism, where all porn is considered either perverted or exploitative of women. Fair enough, if he’s having more romance with his computer monitor than with his wife or girlfriend, then this is a major issue that needs to be addressed. But seriously, every now and then just to let off a bit of steam is totes normal.
However, in this particular situation there’s something more going on, and I fully empathise with how the girl is feeling.
While there may be an issue of the girl feeling as though her boyfriend hasn’t been paying her enough attention lately, causing her to have feelings of insecurity about how the relationship is going, I suspect the main reason why she went “off her tits” (as he so eloquently put it) was most probably because she views it as she’s been lied to. In her mind this guy’s sneaking around behind her back like a creep, rubbing one out in every room of the house any time she’s got her back turned.
So, she’s asking herself “who is this guy? What else have you been doing behind my back?”.
Maybe she was asleep and he didn’t want to wake her. Maybe he wanted to spare her his half assed efforts at seduction due to being torn between being exhausted from work, but also feeling moderately horny. I’m sure this guy thought that he was doing the right thing. However, in her mind trust has been broken and now needs to be repaired.
So, what can you say or do to save this situation?
Well, first and foremost, don’t lie about what you did and compound the problem. You’ve been caught red handed. Literally. Don’t say that “this is the first time I’ve ever watched porn, and in fact I don’t even like porn. I’m actually part of a government backed underground sting operation to rid the world of porn and this is research……..”. You get the picture. She already views this as you’ve lied to her, so telling more lies is just gonna dig you a bigger hole.
The only thing that will save you, and this is going to sound totally counter intuitive to some guys, is the tell the absolute truth and be completely unapologetic about what you’ve done. I suspect in this case the dude started apologising. This is weak, unconfident behaviour that would’ve totally repulsed the girl. And it can easily come off as apologising for getting caught, which is a bad way to go. If you’re going to apologise for anything, apologise for making her feel like she can’t trust you. NOT FOR WACKING OFF! You're a red blooded male who has urges and needs. Don't apologise for that!
In fact, with this in mind, some girls love watching porn. She may have been standing there watching her man jerk off for a few minutes, slowly getting turned on for all we know. If this was the case, when she finally piped up and feigned disgust she may have actually been waiting for an invite to help him out. But we’ll never know for sure now. One thing I do know for sure is that, even if she was genuinely repulsed by the vision of watching her boyfriend taking care of his own business, this guy will be in the doghouse for longer because he’s actually being punished for his weak reaction to getting caught, not for the act of watching porn.
See the video here: