Well this was a real prickly subject that was bound to stir up some emotions in some readers.
I received an email from a client the other day:
Hit Stuart, I’m trying to figure out why people still get married. I mean what’s actually in it for the guy, other than potentially a consistent source of sex. Or are they just scared of being alone or losing something they’ve grown comfortable with? What is the point of being in a long-term relationship between a man and a woman if they can’t or won’t have children? Other than regular sex? The woman has to act more like a man and become a provider too. Other than companionship, not a lot….
Well, this got me thinking.
To begin with, the client sounds like he’s an advocate of the MGTOW Movement. MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way, and it’s a basically a reaction to the current modern feminist movement which, in my personal opinion, is actively trying to ruin the sexual polarity between the sexes by imposing the belief that men and women are the same, instead celebrating the differences that create attraction between them. But that’s a topic for another blog / vlog.
Generally speaking, those who subscribe to the core beliefs of MGTOW believe that women are naturally hypergamous in nature and are out to get the best deal for themselves AT THE EXPENSE of the man. Therefore, these men have no use for such a creature that is designed to take advantage of them. Generally, these men seem to have had a history of suffering at the hands of a duplicitous or manipulative female, usually through a painful divorce or breakup, or have been cheated on multiple times by multiple women. The cynicism runs deep in this group, and the group is growing in number day by day.
As a divorcee myself, I can definitely see how things can lead to a fair amount of women-hating should things start to go pair shaped during the divorce proceedings. However, my divorce has to go down in the books as one of the most non-drama filled divorces of all time. Which was quite a feat considering there was the added complications of child custody to deal with and “other people” involved on both sides.
I believe the key to the “success” of my divorce was that my partner and I knew when it was time to let go of one another and give each other the freedom to meet other people. I also knew my partner very well before we settled down together.
Which brings me to answering this emailers question. I believe there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with the concept of marriage and being in a long term monogamous relationship if that’s what you want to do. However, I believe that a lot of people get married because they are looking to GET something out of the union. Such as financial stability, validation, a sense of belonging, the list goes on. And when these selfish motivations are the foundation of the marriage, when these are compromised this is when things go wrong.
For example, the rich CEO marries the promotions model he met at one of his corporate events. Having some eye candy on his arm feeds his need for validation from others. However, when she starts to lose her looks you can bet his eyes are going to begin wandering.
Conversely, if the promotions model marries the CEO for her need of financial stability, if things start looking rocky on the money front she’ll be looking for an exit strategy. I’ve actually witnessed something similar to this in real life, which I outline in my video. It was a total shit show to observe.
My main point with all this is that you should go into any relationship in the spirit of giving unconditionally to the other. To enrich your partners life. Not to get what you need at the expense of the other. There needs to be an equality of giving.
Therefore, when getting into any potential relationship I always ask myself this question: What does this person bring to the relationship and what do I bring? If I can’t reconcile the equation, then it’s always going to feel like one party is contributing more than the other.
So, choose wisely, and understand deeply who you are choosing to get involved with. And don’t be afraid to pull the ripcord if things, despite your best efforts to state what you need from your partner, continue to go out of balance.
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