top of page

For Dating In The 21st Century, The Alpha Male Is Dead: Long Live The Sigma Male.

Hey folks,

So this is an observation I’ve noticed about the information presented by the red-pilled community regarding how to conduct yourself during dating.

We often get told by coaches in the manosphere that “being alpha is where it’s at” if you "wanna get da girls".

I mean all girls love alpha guys right? The man with the plan, the guy whos in charge, Women love a man who can make them feel safe, and what better way to make a girl feel safe than to be with a guy who is "unfuckwithable". That all makes sense right?

But then, on the other hand, the same coaches are telling you to not make women the focus of your reality. Don’t make women your mental point of origin. This feels like paradoxical thinking which I’m sure creates confusion and insecurity in guys who follow the teachings of red-pilled coaches.

Now before you get your knickers in a knot and scream that I’m shitting on your favourite red-pilled coach, please hear me out...

I’m not here to bash the red-pilled coaches. Far from it. I think a lot of what they put out is extremely valuable to men who want to avoid low-quality women. And I understand, being a coach myself, that these coaches are being approached by men who are asking: “girls aren’t attracted to me, please help”, so they are naturally telling the guys “these are the things that you generally do to become more attractive to women”. They’re just trying to help these guys, and that’s very admirable. It’s more than what most people do for these guys who need help, which is usually nothing.

The thing is though, ultimately, the alpha male still falls into the woman's frame or a woman's mating strategy, because, by putting in the work to become “alpha” for want of a better word, you’re falling into a framework that encourages you to compete with other men to become more appealing to a woman's biological requirements for a suitable mate.

Aiming to be as “alpha” as possible, as it’s defined by the red-pilled coaches, is still within the framework of being allowed to be judged by the standards that women create for us.

We’re being told to pick up heavy shit and put it down, make bank, learn martial arts, all stuff that’s attractive to women, but then being told “don’t concern yourself with being attractive to women, do all this for you”.

So, with that in mind, there’s another archetype of guy that more accurately represents what red-pilled coaches are trying to convey to their clients.

Today, we’re going to be talking about why embodying the traits of the SIGMA archetype rather than the alpha archetype is more advantageous to you when dealing with the current dating apocalypse.

Now before we go on, one thing to remember is that these terms “alpha”, “beta”, “sigma”, whatever, they’re being used colloquially by the red-pilled coaches. They’re being used to describe general archetypes. These terms aren’t really being used in the same way as they would be used in ethology. So, I think that’s something that just needs to be kept in mind whenever we use these terms.

Now with that out of the way, if we’re going to stick to using these social archetypes, shouldn’t the red-pilled coaches be talking about adopting a “sigma mentality” rather than an alpha one. Let me explain…

So, firstly, what is a sigma male?

Well, the most important thing to know about the sigma male is that he doesn’t play to normal social hierarchies.

In normal social hierarchies you have the alpha at the top, then the betas underneath them and then so on and so forth until you get to the omegas at the bottom of the totem pole.

The sigma considers himself to be outside of the hierarchy. He is not so much opposed to the alpha, but more an alternative perspective. He doesn’t need anyone else as he considers himself to be fully self-sufficient. He is the quintessential lone wolf.

Now, that’s not to say that the sigma male is unsociable, he’s far from it. He knows how to work within a group, he knows how to socialise and interact with others well, he just chooses to be on his own. He’s happy doing his own thing and he truly doesn’t care what others think.

Now, the sigma male may be going their own way but they are definitely not an incel. In fact, if anything, think of them as a more enigmatic alternative to the alpha from a women's perspective.

They aren’t living in their parent's basement playing computer games and eating leftover pizza. They are natural go-getters, like the alpha. Except they are inconspicuous about the way they go about things.

They don’t brag about their achievements. They don’t feel the need to puff out their chest to compete with the other men. They don’t feel the need to continuously assert their dominance.

As far as they’re concerned, there is no competition, other than the competition with themselves.

They are generally highly motivated and incredibly resourceful, traits required to be an independent lone wolf, which just so happens to also be highly attractive to females. Now if only she could lock him down…

Sure, the alpha male controls most of the resources within a group and wields the most power within that group, but the sigma male isn’t affected by the alpha males dominance, because he has learnt to survive independently of the group. Whatever happens within the group doesn’t affect him. He doesn’t care.

Now there’s this understanding amongst the pickup community and the “manosphere” in general that being alpha is the goal, it’s how you "get the da girls".

But, but, as I said before, wouldn’t the attitudes and behaviours associated with the sigma male be more advantageous to guys in the 21st century?

We all complain that the dating market has been corrupted by feminism and online dating apps, creating a situation whereby even the most average looking girls are now inundated with romantic options, the top 80% of women are chasing the top 20% of guys and ignoring anyone else, and generally men are feeling that, while women's standards are getting stricter, theirs are having to drop if they want any chance of getting into a relationship whatsoever.

The sigma male answers this quandary by opting out of the system altogether. By refusing to compete. Being a sigma male might be akin to going MGTOW in the most positive way possible.

Strictly from a males perspective, in order to remain truly free from female influence, wouldn’t the correct attitude be to just naturally feel completely independent and not require the validation of the opposite sex in any way whatsoever? To literally go your own way in a sense and not worry about the consequences of doing so.

So, maybe instead of telling guys to be alpha, perhaps, considering the current dating apocalypse, we should be telling them to embrace the characteristics of the sigma male instead? Considering that generally speaking, modern western society is becoming increasingly hostile to men, (in particular, white men), shouldn't the correct response be to remove yourself from a system that no longer values what men provide, and develop a sort of silo mentality until what we have to trade becomes valued again?

I think most of the problems that men face these days is that we are continuing to trade with something that has lost value. It’s like if you had a bunch of diamonds, but then the arse fell out of the diamond market due to an oversupply. Why would you continue to sell your diamonds in a deflated market? Wouldn’t the prudent thing to do be for everyone who has diamonds, to all pull them off the market at the same time and wait for people to notice. I guarantee it wouldn’t take long before the price of diamonds rose again...

When coaches tell men that they need to be “alpha”, they are unwittingly telling them to fall into a state that adheres to the current social hierarchy. But I think there are plenty of guys out there who, quite rightly, would love to flip the table and opt out of the current game altogether.

This is not a loser mindset. This is adapting to your environment. Adapting to your circumstances. And I’m certainly not telling you to give up on making yourself the best version of yourself.

And I think that perhaps the best solution for a lot of guys who are struggling in the dating market might be to become “difficult to reach” so to speak. To truly embody independence and self-sufficiency. To become sigma…

And the funny thing is, once you have truly become a self-sufficient man who genuinely needs no-one, you just watch how fast the girls come running…

61 views0 comments
bottom of page