Hi, welcome to my video newsletter transcript. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be “How do I help someone get over their ex?”. I’ve got an email from a client here, who’s agreed to let me use his email for this video. So, let’s get into it.
John here (not his real name). Thank you so much for all your guidance. Your help has been invaluable to me. I’ve spread the word about you to my family and friends, because I know there’s heaps of them who could seriously use your words of wisdom (well thank you! That’s what I’m here for).
I have a quick question for you.
I’ve met a girl a couple of weeks ago and we’ve hit it off well. Unfortunately she’s giving me the line of “I’m still trying to get over my ex”. I don’t think this is just a line she’s using to get me to back off. I’m pretty sure she actually means it (Well, regardless whether its objectively true or not, it obviously feels real for her in the moment). She said it’s only been a month since she broke up with her ex. (Why am I getting a feeling of déjà vu all of a sudden).
I feel this “issue” is really getting in the way of a potentially awesome relationship. I really want to help her to get past her previous boyfriend so that we can focus on each other.
What do you think I should do?
I’m going to assume that you’re not deluding yourself and this girl is actually interested in you. If she’s returning your texts in a reasonable amount of time and you’re not waiting days to hear back from her after contacting her or whatever, that’s a good sign she is actually interested in keeping in contact with you.
However, I just want to say that I’m not going to pretend that I don’t feel uncomfortable with the idea that you’re trying to sort of manipulate this girl. That you want to try to “fix” her. BUT! I’m going to answer your question because I know who you are and you’re a damn good client and a good person.
What you’re dealing with is a timing issue. Timing issues suck. You’ve found someone that you have amazing chemistry with but they’re just not emotionally available RIGHT NOW. I know a lot of PUA and dating coaches would say there’s plenty of fish in the sea and to move on, but you obviously want to give this your best shot, so let’s go.
So the first thing I’ve picked up on is that it sounds like you’re trying to rush this girl into a relationship. This is just going to make her run for the hills. Why? Because no-one likes their freedom taken away from them, and she’ll be afraid that you’re going to try to lock her down into a relationship that she’s not ready for. If you’re really into this girl then just hang out and have fun with her. Take your time. What’s the rush??? Slow down! Hey, think of how amazing the sex will be when you finally seal the deal with her. But in the mean-time, go out and meet some other women to date. Who knows, you might meet someone even more suited to you that’s ready, willing and able to be in a relationship with you immediately, like you want. The idea is to keep circulating and meeting people. Don’t just limit yourself to this one person. You have options, they’re out there waiting for you to meet them and sweep them off your feet.
However, your question is “how do I get her to get over her ex”? Well, you can’t force her to get over her ex any faster than she can. She’ll do that at her own pace. At the moment, just hang out, show her a good time when you see her and just be her best option when she’s ready. You’ll probably find that she’ll get over her boyfriend quite quickly if you court her correctly anyway. However, if she decided that she wants some help there is a therapy technique called “the empty chair technique” that originates from Gestalt Therapy that can be very useful to clear out any trapped emotions your girl may be having. I personally use a technique that is very similar to this called the “Universal Freedom Technique” that I find to be simpler to apply but more effective. If you want more information on this just contact me.
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