So, as a follow up to my last video, where a client of mine asked whether they should see a prostitute, (and I’ll leave a card to that video here) the same guy then went on to ask me whether I thought he should look at the idea of becoming a sugar daddy.
Now, admittedly I didn’t have any experience being a sugar daddy and didn’t really understand the machinations of the sugar daddy / sugar baby relationship fully, so before I offered him any advice, I had to do a bit of research.
So, for those of you who don’t know a sugar daddy its basically an older guy who takes a young woman under his care (the sugar baby) and provides for her in return for companionship. It doesn’t necessarily involve sex, but I would expect in most situations it would.
So as part of my research, and also for shits and giggles, I signed up to a couple of these sugar dating sites. Now it looks like the typical sugar baby has a goal, like saving up for a car, taking a trip, or getting a new apartment. She is likely in-between boyfriends, or just broke up with a boyfriend, or she's divorced and doesn't want dating drama.
Now, some of these sites seem to have pretty active forums, and the first thing that I noticed was that it was like being on Instagram, just with old blokes. Guys as old as my dad doing the whole “so beautiful” and “hot hot hot!” emoji thing over these girl’s public images felt a bit weird at first, but hey, they’re not dead yet, more power to them.
One thing that did initially bother me was the level of fawning and supplicating going on from these guys. Most of these guys looked to be surgeons, bankers, business owners. Late 50 - 60-year-old guys who probably had their shit together financially. Yet they seemed to be begging for the approval of these young girls who seemed to mostly be students or had some menial job in retail or whatever. One guy stood out in particular. A girl casually wrote on the forums that she was thirsty, can anyone out there shoot her some money so she can buy something to drink. Now it was probably a Saturday night and she was looking to get drunk with some friends. I highly doubt she was literally dying of thirst. But sure enough, within 30 mins Captain White Knight was on hand to come to her aid with a “I’m here to help, tell me everything you need”.
So, when you get into this sugar daddy dating scene, you feel like you’re entering the realm of the thirstiest of beta males and the whitest of white knights. Which is kind of a weird thing to even say, because these guys are for the most part very successful in their career and have demonstrated drive and ambition, so they should be quite alpha right? Yet seem to come completely unglued around a pretty girl.
However, there’s a hypothesis in evolutionary biology called the handicap principle. So, in essence, the handicap principle is when an individual wishes to advertise a quality, such as good health, or resource abundance, they have to do something that someone of a lower quality couldn’t do equally well. This displays itself in the form of what is known as a Zahavian signal. In nature, a good example of this Zahavian signal is a male peacocks feathers, which are heavy and have no practical benefit other than to signal to a peahen that they have enough superfluous resources to be able to maintain such a burdensome appendage, and therefore make a good breeding partner. So, do humans exhibit this behaviour? Absolutely! The best way to illustrate what the handicap principle is for humans is with this (pic of Lamborghini). When you see a guy driving around in a Lambo, or a Ferrari or some other expensive supercar this is a Zahavian signal. He’s saying to the world “I have such an abundance of resources at my disposal that I can afford to waste them on an impractical and unreliable vehicle just because it looks pretty. I had a Maserati a couple of years ago and while it was beautiful looking car, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to get to own one, it was a piece of shit. that car was always in the shop with something wrong with it. It was just such a pain in the arse to own. And when it wasn’t in the shop it was trying to kill me. I remember I was going out for a drive in the country with some of my friends who also owned sports cars and I wound the car right out, and the steering started going really light, and I realised the car was trying to take off and do a back flip. So, while it looked all sleek and pretty, it had lousy aerodynamics.
Anyway, I’m digressing….
So, I think there’s 2 types of guys who do sugar dating. The first type indulges themselves simply because they can, and these are the more “alpha” type guys. What these sugar daddies are saying to the world is “I have so much money, that I can afford to spend my resources on this girl, just because she’s pretty to look at” In essence the girl becomes the Zahavian signal. And they can pretty much take or leave any of these girls, because they know if they take off, there’s a dozen willing to take their place. That’s the way they roll.
The second type is the type I’m concerned about.
These guys may also have the resources to play the part of a sugar daddy, but the problem I see with this second group is they immediately give all their power away to the young girl from the get go, and I would say these types of guys make up the majority of the men on these dating platforms, because I think it would it would be safe to say that the vast majority of 50 -60 year old guys aren’t used to having the affections of a nubile 20 year old, therefore it becomes an extremely scarce commodity in their minds and they naturally bestow higher value upon the girl.
I also suspect this second group of guys may go as far as to send themselves broke trying to maintain an arrangement with a girl. And that’s my main concern here.
Now in these cases I think it would be foolish to blame the girl for sending the guy broke, as that would take the agency away from the guy and allude that he has no responsibility for his own actions. I mean, objectively speaking, he can stop paying the girl any time he wants.
However, emotions are a funny thing. And as I’m sure you know that making decisions while you’re emotional never ends well. I’m quite sure that there’s a high percentage of guys that go into this sugar daddy thing, thinking it’s just going to be a bit of fun, inadvertently catch feeling for a girl, then send themselves into ruin.
The whole sugar daddy / sugar baby relationship dynamic is fraught with danger for a guy who doesn’t have his emotional shit tied down. Much more so than prostitution because the attraction signals given off by a sugar baby, I’m sure can feel so much more genuine than those from a call girl, due to the longer interaction time between the two involved parties. Both sides can much easily catch the feels, regardless of their initial intentions to just keep things light and fun, and then run the risk of being exploited by the other party.
Now I might catch some hate for saying this, but it could be argued that the girl potentially has less to lose, as they initially come into the relationship bringing less material value and what they do bring is much harder to quantify. They might get heart broken, but so can the guy. But they can’t get “zeroed -out” like the guy can.
So, to sum up, I told my client that in his current state of mind he should avoid seeking a relationship as he’s currently coming from a place of neediness, and instead spend some time working on his own self development until he’s genuinely reached a place of non-attachment.