Should I Hire a Prostitute???

So, a client of mine was going through a bit of a dry spell and he asked me what my opinion was on paying for sex? And did I think that hiring a hooker is bad?

There’s definitely a deep-seated belief that those guys who can’t go out to a bar and pull a girl are losers and have some sort of social deficiency. And this was a view that was also held by my client, hence his feelings of guilt around even bringing up the subject.

So, what I said was this:

If you currently don’t have a romantic partner, and you crave companionship and connection because you’re lonely, then for god’s sake don’t see a prostitute. If you end up getting hooked on one of these girls it could end up becoming very costly for you. I would suggest working on improving your game, growing your social circle and finding connection in other worthwhile pursuits, such as finding your purpose. However, if you’re just looking to get your rocks off then go for it son!

Prostitution, at least legal prostitution is for the most part an honest business transactional arrangement between two consenting adults. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you’re not looking to reproduce and get into a relationship and have a family then it can certainly serve a purpose. All relationships are in some way mutually beneficial. Let’s be honest, as much as healthy relationships should be about giving unconditionally, they’re not completely altruistic, there’s no such thing. I think it would be naïve to not acknowledge that you’re both looking to gain something from the relationship as well.

I know that there’s guys out there who believe that if you’re in any type of relationship with woman that you’re “paying for it anyway”. In fact, it could be argued that, and definitely it’s the case with a lot of my clients, that seeing a prostitute can be a more honest relationship than some marriages I’ve bore witness to.

But I think they’re missing the point that a healthy intimate relationship has additional attributes that make it worth the price of admission, such as being able to show vulnerability and have it received kindly (as long as it’s not in needy in any way) and genuine emotional connection.

The main problem that arises when someone decides to see a prostitute is when one party violates the explicit transactional nature of the relationship and then attempts to change the nature of the “relationship” to one of genuine romance because they’ve “caught feelings”, and this is almost always the client.

Now I’m sure it’s happened in the past where a call girl has fallen for her client, but instances of this happening are few and far between.

Now, at the risk of getting slightly political about the concept of trading money for sex, there is the argument that legalising prostitution encourages traffickers to kidnap women and girls into lives of sexual slavery. But slavery in every form is illegal. And it’s up to our government to enforce these laws effectively. That’s what we pay them to do.

And anyway, there is evidence to show that areas where prostitution has been legalised the level of sexual violence and abuse has dropped significantly. It also created a much safer working environment for the sex workers.

So, if there doesn’t seem to be anything objectively wrong with trading money for sex, and the morally ambiguous at worst, and I mean when done correctly it only benefits both parties (and I’m really not interested in the argument that these girls are still being victimised because they’re being treated as just objects, people need to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions) why are people, mostly females still so vehemently against legalised prostitution?

Well, I recently reposted an article on my blog that was originally written by a psychology professor who referred to research undertaken by the Florida State University which attempted to explain the social psychology behind the battle between the sexes for control over the value of sex (I’ll put a link below to it in the description). In a nutshell, women are trying to increase the value of sex as this is their main bargaining tool to get what they really want, which is a relationship. Men conversely are trying to lower the value of sex by making it more available.

Prostitution lowers the value of sex to a reasonable level and means that most men can have access to sex whenever they want it, without the perceived burden of a long-term relationship. Therefore, taking away the main bargaining tool that women use to get into a relationship. And this makes them nervous. I constantly mention the axiom of “Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of relationships”. This is that axiom playing out in real life.

In a world where men are beginning to realise that marriage is a broken institution and a bad investment with a 50% chance of catastrophic failure, dialling interpersonal relationships back from a long-term government enforced contractual obligation to a simple extremely short-term transactional arrangement can be seen to have its advantages.

And as for the emotional connection side of things? Well you can get that need met through close friends and family.

There was a study done by Tinder recently that confirmed the “80/20” rule. This discovered that the bottom 80% of men are chasing the bottom 20% of women, and the top 80% of women are all chasing the top 20% of men. That’s a huge bunch of guys who could potentially be running around with no sexual outlet. If prostitution was banned, these guys would become more and more frustrated. And that’s not good for anyone.

Now feminists argue that men should just exercise some self-control. I work from the principle that sexual intimacy is a biological need and for most of us if we go without it for too long, we start to go a bit loopy. The problem with this argument is that these women are perceiving men and women to be the same. The difference is that as women are generally regarded as the gatekeepers of sex, sex is more easily obtained. Basically, all a reasonably attractive looking girl has to do if they are feeling a little randy is throw on a pretty dress and some makeup, sit at a bar alone for 30 mins and she’ll have her pick of a number of guys who hit on her. I’ve had a number of my friends who are girls literally do exactly this. It’s an advantage of being a girl, that’s just the way it is. It’s not as easy for the average guy to obtain sex in this fashion. That’s a fact.

Now, the question begs, have I ever used a prostitute? Well, I generally find I don’t need to because I work very hard on constantly improving myself and I’ve gotten over the fear of approaching girls online or in person which generally means I have a few options on the go at any time. But I had to work really hard on it. I’m not a “natural”. However, I’ll go you one further. I inadvertently dated one for four months. Admittedly I had no idea she was an escort, and I was quite young at the time and when I found out I responded badly. But when I think back now, I didn’t dump her because she was an escort and her job revolted me, it was the fact she’s lied to me about it. And I have to admit there was the fear of contracting an STD, so I was pretty pissed with her. But before I found out, I thought she was awesome! She was fun, intelligent, well spoken, easy going, very affectionate. She was from a wealthy family and went to a really expensive girls’ school, so she didn’t fit the picture in my head of your typical crack whore, so I had no idea! But she essentially cheated on me, so that was it!

However, to sum up, people are a tapestry of positive and negative attributes. I’m not sure if such a creature exists, but imagine if you met a girl who fulfilled all your tick boxes for the traits you wanted in a perfect partner, but then she revealed very early on that she earns money by having sex with strangers. How would you feel? What would you do? I’d be really interested to know….