So, am I the only one who wishes that there was a dating app that didn’t rely so much on physical looks, height, job type and income?
I mean, if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship then these metrics have absolutely no correlation with how happy and successful you’re going to be with your partner long-term.
So let’s look at the current crop of dating apps.
You’ve got the vanilla dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Plenty of Fish, which, from a male perspective all generally prioritise physical appearance to attract the opposite sex.
Then you have sugar dating sites that encourage you to use your material wealth and resource provisioning to do the same.
But I think there should be a third category of dating apps. One that prioritises emotional intelligence, maturity, and self-awareness.
And I think I’ve figured out how to do it…
But before we get into all that, we’ve got to talk about how we got to where we are now.
How did the online dating apocalypse, as they’re calling it, how did that come about?
So, there is a growing theory that Women resent having to use dating apps to meet guys.
Like really deep down resent having to use technology to find a guy. Like, why can’t guys just come over and talk to them?
Not really something you’d expect to hear in this day and age right?
But, just from my own personal experience and speaking to my female friends, they all tend to share this sentiment.
None of them like using dating apps. None of them. And this is all being backed up indirectly by research.
For example, I did a video recently on research performed during a large sex study which found that a large majority of women use dating apps merely for “entertainment” and to gain some form of validation. It’s like a video game to them and that’s it. It’s like how many guys can I get to swipe right on me.
For most women, there is no intention of ever meeting anyone from a dating app. Because, in their minds, people on dating apps suck.
Furthermore, I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with the popular dating study done by tinder that confirms that women are hypergamous and will only date across and up on the social hierarchy when given a choice and that they consider 80% of men below average in looks.
Also, women swipe right only 5% of the time while men swipe right 50% of the time, pretty much cementing the notion that females are the sexual selectors, the arbiters of the human race as I like to call them. They decide who gets to pass on their genes to the next generation.
However, think about this. If you HATED doing something but you had to do it, like you hated eating pizza but you had to, however, you could choose which kinds of pizza you could eat, wouldn’t you choose only the absolute best pizzas? Like you’d try to make the best of a bad situation and choose only stuff you could stomach? Like “I guess I like cheese and I don’t mind salami, so I guess I could eat a pepperoni pizza…”.
That kinda stuff…
That’s what’s happening on dating apps! The women resent being on there, but they’re going to make the best of a bad situation, so they’ll only choose the absolute best-looking guys that appeal to their natural sense of hypergamy the most because that’s all they can stomach.
Put it this way...
I’m willing to bet a lot of money that if you went and asked 100 women how they would prefer to be approached by men it wouldn’t be via a dating app. It would be via friends or family. Someone who was “pre-selected” by your tribe, so to speak.
I actually tried to set up a poll on Reddit but they took it down because I was only asking women and that was “discrimination”.
But anyway I’m pretty sure I know what the results would be…
So, yeah, women say they much prefer to be approached in person rather than over the internets, however, the vast vast majority of guys just won’t do this because most men are quite rightly terrified of a negative reprisal because of things like the #metoo movement.
More and more, guys are going “as much as I want a girlfriend”, approaching a girl in person just ain’t worth the risk”.
They don’t know whether the girl has a boyfriend or a husband or what their situation is, and the #metoo movement has politicised sexual harassment, so it’s just easier to go on a dating app where the girls are “qualified leads” (ie they are looking to date and find a relationship) rather than dealing with the danger of a negative social backlash if the girl they attempt to approach reacts badly to their advances.
But women resent that they have to use dating apps to meet guys. They actually want you to have the balls to approach them in person, regardless of the danger. Therefore men that can approach women in person, especially in this day and age, can potentially have an even higher success rate than they did in the past because it’s such a rare thing these days for a guy to have the balls to approach women.
However this advantage is offset by a woman’s greater number of potential romantic options these days, so she will still evaluate you against a higher standard, however, if she’s normal and not some crazy feminist harpy, she will generally still appreciate your efforts and may just give you a chance because of your efforts.
So cold approaching is still a great way to stand out from the crowd for her.
Women don’t want to use dating apps because they can only evaluate you based on superficialities. They are choosing men based on parameters usually more associated with mens' parameters for women, such as level of traditional attractiveness, height, and physical traits.
However, women's sexual strategy is completely different from men's.
Women use their natural sense of hypergamy to find the best deal for themselves IN THE CONTEXT OF ATTEMPTING TO FIND A PARTNER FOR A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP.
They’re trying to find someone who they want to stick around and who will want to stick around.
Their hypergamy is optimised to seek out the deal OVERALL. That’s why women seem so picky. They want ONE guy who is sexually attractive to them AND is also a good provider. They don’t want to have to create what they call a “franken-boyfriend”, where they have multiple guys filling selected roles in relationships, for example, she’ll have a guy who will help her with chores around the house and another guy who might help her out financially and then they’ll be another guy who she’ll be sleeping with and so on. They would much prefer to have everything in the same guy, which is a tough ask no doubt, but the franken-boyfriend is a fallback position. It’s kinda making do with what you’ve got available.
However, through dating apps they are only given information about the guy that is superficial and not at all indicative of long-term relationship success so how can they possibly make a good assessment.
How can you do something properly without the right tools?
For example, apparently about 80% of women on Hinge and Bumble select only for men above 6ft tall, which is actually only a small percentage of men on the planet. I think it’s less than 15% from memory, so they’re immediately eliminating at least 85% of the male population right then and there.
But height does not correlate with long-term relationship success.
But that’s all the information they’re given about the guy online, so how can you expect them to make a good decision…
So essentially, women are acting like men on the dating market, they are selecting men based purely on superficial traits which are counter to what they’re actually looking for.
When you think about it, it’s totally nuts!
One thing I got told more than anything by the girls on seeking.com and just regular vanilla dating for that matter is “you’re not the type of guy I would usually go for…”
Shit, my current girlfriend said that to me!
But why would they all say that?
Well, it’s because I’m not a chad, I’m not swole, I’m not 6ft tall.
But what happened was that I had to learn how to create an opportunity to display the traits of success that I do have that are difficult or even impossible to display through a dating app.
Essentially I had to learn how to convince them to hang out with me first. And so I got very good at convincing people to like me very quickly.
What I’m saying is that I had to adapt to the dating environment. And many men struggle to do this because it’s really hard, especially if you have to learn all this stuff by yourself through trial and error.
So dating apps are the absolute worst thing that has happened to women when it comes to finding a good stable long-term relationship because physical looks are a terrible indicator of the chances of long-term relationship happiness.
The best predictors of long-term relationship success are things like psychological stability, conscientiousness, a growth mindset, secure attachment style, life satisfaction
However, The best predictors for whether someone will swipe right on your dating profile are things like height, conventional level of attractiveness, monetary wealth and type of job.
They don’t marry up very well, do they…
So women are being forced to play by the rules of the male dating strategy in online dating ie the only thing that matters is the numbers game and physical looks.
And guys, before you get upset at women, no, they aren’t doing it consciously, they, for the most part, are completely unaware of the consequences of their actions. Everyone is acting in their own self-interest in the moment and it’s only at a 1000-mile view can we see the overall outcome of this.
But what is the alternative? Creating a dating app where you’re unable to see a picture of the person you’re talking with until both of you are willing, after a period of time talking with one another, you both decide to share photos? It sounds good in theory but nobody will go for it.
Because humans are visual creatures. Our primary sense is vision. A dog's primary sense is smell, a bat is hearing, and ours is visual. We need visual stimulus when looking for a romantic partner.
So the only way I can see that an alternative style of dating app may work is if you make the barrier to entry really high, but the rewards are worth the effort.
Before you were allowed access to the app you HAD to complete an extensive and exhaustive questionnaire by which your emotional and psychological profile was evaluated and then the algorithm paired you with people who were compatible with you psychologically and emotionally.
Now I’m not talking about some silly little Myers Briggs test here. I know some dating apps make a token effort to incorporate this into their search parameters.
I’m thinking something along the lines of the Voight Kampf empathy tests in the movie Bladerunner, that sort of thing. Something really full-on.
So it would take commitment just to get onto the dating app. The questionnaire might need to take a few hours to complete. But commitment is something that is aligned with the female mating strategy…
The app would reward those who put the effort in and then it would be smart enough to determine overall, based on your inputs, who was the most emotionally and mentally compatible with you.
Sure, they’d still be pictures, but, unlike Tinder which rewards people based solely on how societally attractive their physical appearance is, those profiles that the algorithm deemed the most compatible with your personality would get priority and be at the top of your searches.
If you were just after a one-night stand with a chad, they’d still be there, but you’d have to go looking for them. And I don’t know why you’d bother to use this type of app when tinder makes it so much easier to go cruising for a root.
What I can foresee is that, if this type of dating app existed, you would have a bifurcation of the online dating population.
Guys who were having trouble getting dates on regular dating platforms would be keen to give this new app a shot. I mean why wouldn’t you give it a shot. And women would be happy to give the app a shot if it meant the opportunity to find a good man for a long-term committed relationship.
IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT AT ANY GIVEN TIME…
However, women like sex, and they like having sex with hot guys. I predict women would be on both types of dating apps at the same time because they would bifurcate their competing desires for both the super chad alpha who is unlikely to stick around and the beta provider who is.
So an app like this would probably mean that at least men could have an opportunity to use traits that were otherwise difficult to illustrate to the opposite sex through traditional dating apps to their advantage, however, much like seeking.com, the male would be instantly positioned by the female as a beta provider type simply by association. By having to resort to using the app, you must be beta.
And if you’re worried about kinda thing then I guess that’s a downside.
So you would have tinder for looks, seeking.com for resource provision and this new app for emotional and mental stability. You choose your weapon depending on your strengths.