So In my last video titled "Avoid This Type Of Girl At All Costs", I featured a girl with some pretty major daddy issues, which were undoubtedly contributing to the pretty horrendous behaviour she was exhibiting.
I also said that, in light of this, I was going to be releasing a video about what I thought of parents, particularly men, abandoning their children and thusly, creating abandonment and daddy issues in their daughters.
So, here we are.
So firstly, let’s establish what daddy issues are. Because it’s a term that gets thrown around by a lot of guys, almost in jest, who don’t really know what it means and might even think it’s some sort of “joke” diagnosis, like saying someones got “cooties” or “girl germs”.
Well, “daddy issues”, as it’s colloquially known, is a very real thing. It’s also known as a “Father Complex”. But it’s really just a pretty rudimentary term to describe the longing one feels for a strong, wise, protective and loving father, usually because her father was either physically or emotionally absent.
So, anyway, if a girl had a normal, healthy relationship with her father, naturally when she was young, she would’ve thought her dad was this perfect superhero. He can run faster than all her friends at kindergarten, he can drive a car, he can fix stuff that looked completely broken and he knows all the answers to all of the questions in the universe. To a 6-year-old girl, all these things seem deeply impressive. Dad is like a God in her eyes.
But as the girl gets older, she begins to realise that her father, like everyone else on this planet, has flaws, and makes mistakes. He’s going to forget things, and lose his temper some times and get frustrated when he doesn’t know how to fix something. And she realises that all that is ok, as long as dad still loves her.
So, over time she comes to understand in a healthy way that guys are just human beings too, and nobody’s perfect. She’s gradually let down in a healthy, normal way. So, when she gets into a relationship with a guy, she doesn’t expect perfection, and can, therefore, have normal healthy relationships with men in spite of, and maybe even because of her man's flaws.
The girl with daddy issues, however, never had the chance to experience the healthy disappointment that comes with the realisation that her dad isn’t perfect. Her dad just wasn’t there to begin with. So she still maintains the immature fantasy that she had as a child about a man who can solve all of her problems for her, protect her from any perceived slight, and love her completely unconditionally despite any poor behaviour.
So when she tries to have a relationship, the guy she’s with, whom she desperately wants to be loved and validated by, inevitably can’t meet her unrealistic expectations, and then she becomes disappointed and untrusting of men. And it becomes a cycle that she gets trapped in.
It’s why girls with daddy issues are usually amazing in bed. They’re desperately trying to make you love them.
And, when you think of it like that, it’s actually kinda sad.
I believe that, deep down, every guy wants to be in a meaningful relationship with a loving, loyal and respectful woman. And I’m not talking about getting married per se. I’m just talking about quality over quantity.
Having healthy, medium to long term relationships with women who support and complement our lives is going to trump a never-ending cycle of one night stands.
However, there seems to be, certainly in my experience at least and I dare say that a lot of viewers would agree with me on this, that good quality women are in extremely short supply these days. And I would even go as far to say that, just off the top of my head, around half of the girls I’ve dated recently had symptoms of daddy issues. And, while these girls might be great for having one night stands with, and getting your notch count up, if that’s something that’s important to you, you really can’t have any kind of meaningful relationship with these girls. Not if you want to have a drama-free life anyway.
With this in mind, I think it’s important to at least acknowledge that a girls daddy issues weren’t created out of thin air. It really isn’t their fault. And while it’s completely on the girl to take responsibility for her life and sort out her own issues through counselling and psychotherapy if necessary (it’s certainly not your job to fix them), I think just telling guys to stay away from girls like this is a bit of an injustice to the situation at large and just avoids the cold hard truth that behind every girl with daddy issues lies a shitty dad.
You know, I mentioned in my book “Here Be Dragons”, and also in the interview I did recently with Alexander Grace, that ironically, the experiences that I had with salt dating and sugar babies and dealing with these screwed up girl with daddy issues actually helped me empathise with women's problems more, and helped challenge my belief structure that was so firmly entrenched in the echo chamber that is most of the manosphere. These girls aren’t bad and evil people that are out to screw you over at a moments notice. They’re misguided, yes, but it’s usually because of their terrible experiences with men.
And you can argue that they were at least in part responsible for the results they have with men, probably in no part due to their shitty behaviour, and yes, I totally agree with that, but I guarantee that behind every bad behaving and low-quality woman lies an absent father.
Now, there’s a problem with making a video like this one.
That being that, if you’re watching this video, then you’re probably not the guy that needs to be watching it. I mean, if you’re watching this video I’m assuming you’ve come to some sort of realisation about yourself and you’ve at least acknowledged that you might have some issues in your life that need addressing and you’ve committed yourself at some level to self-improvement.
So this video isn’t directly pointed at you.
And when I say “shitty dads”, I certainly don’t mean guys who have been through a divorce or breakup and have lost access to their kids because the ex-wife is just being difficult or vindictive. To guys in this situation, you have my deepest sympathy. That situation is awful. And once again, I can’t stress this enough, the guys in this situation aren’t the people I’m talking about here.
The people I’m talking about here are the dead beat dad’s who can’t get their shit together and just leave the mother to look after the kids alone because he can’t step up and can’t deal with the situation.
So, unfortunately, the guys who should be watching this video probably won’t see it, because they’re too busy being dead beats.
Now, I acknowledge that, for guys, it’s pretty damn difficult to know what a good dad looks like and acts like when you’ve never been exposed to one yourself. But I’m sorry, that is no excuse.
And just for context, I didn’t grow up in a broken home, my parents are still together to this day. However, my father was from a broken home where his dad just up and left him. And so I felt the consequences of my “grandfathers”,(and I use that term very loosely) decisions.
My dads great, I still love him very much, but there was no denying that he was affected emotionally by his fathers choice to leave the family.
So, I think if your father was never around, if this was your experience, and you’ve got children on the way or they’ve already arrived the best thing you can do is find a positive male role model. The burden of stepping up and overcoming your problems is on you. You’re physically and mentally built to overcome and fix problems. This is just another problem that needs solving.
I’m also sure there are some guys out there going “well what about women who abandon their family?” Yes, that happens but, according to studies done in the US and Australia, only 15% of all single-parent families have an absent mother. So, the issue of fatherlessness, for whatever reason, is clearly a much wider problem. In fact, according to the US Census Bureau, 1 in 4 kids live without a father in the home.
And, to be honest, I really don’t want to go into all the other negative effects fatherlessness has on children other than “daddy issues”. If I did, this video would probably be about an hour-long, and I doubt anyone wants to hear me crapping on for that long.
But if you are interested in reading more about this, then I’ve provided a link to an article titled “The Facts on Fatherlessness”, and you can check it out for yourself.
But anyway, if you’re getting frustrated at the number of girls that seem to have daddy issues these days, and you can’t seem to find a girl to have a healthy relationship with, then the answer isn’t merely to just stop dating girls with daddy issues. That’s a bandaid solution. The full answer is to understand why the girls have daddy issues, and then make a promise to yourself to do whatever it takes to avoid contributing to the problem in the future.
You might not be able to change the current shitty situation that we guys find ourselves in amongst this 3rd wave feminist dominated online dating apocalypse that we all find ourselves in these days, but by stepping up and being a strong and loving father to your children we may improve things for future generations. And perhaps even bring some femininity back into women at the same time.
Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, the fact is we live in a closed system on this planet. And by that I mean everything we do is connected in some way to everything else. And the way we behave now influences those we come into contact with and in turn shapes the environment we live in in the future.
We complain about having to deal with the abandonment issues that our girlfriends have, and the neediness and self-esteem problems that drive us crazy, but, it seems lost on most men that the reason why these women are acting this way is because their fathers abandoned them.
So, my message to you guys who are watching this video is if you notice one of your friends wilfully neglecting their kids through sheer uselessness and incompetence, kick their arse. Especially if you have a son.
Because, your son might have to deal with his daughter some day, and all her hangups and insecurities brought on by her daddy issues.
So yeah, kick his arse and tell him to step up and look after his daughter. And perhaps if we all do this, we’ll stop the cycle of daddy issues in women, and maybe, the standard of women might improve in our society.