So, boy looks at girl, boy thinks girl is hot and would definitely bang. Boy approaches girl and begins his performance like a court jester, all in the name of winning her highnesses attention and approval. Girl thinks boy is amusing and entertaining enough to at least give him a chance. Boy is elated and relieved that girl has shown interest and there is now a chance that regular sex may occur.
So, what’s wrong with this picture?
Gday folks I’m Stuart from communicate with confidence and today’s blog is all about how to learn to value yourself more in a relationship. And guys, this blog will help you negotiate a better deal for yourself in a relationship. So, if you’re new to the website please consider subscribing. And if you’d like personal relationship coaching from me anywhere in the world see the link below in the description.
What typically happens when boy meets girl?
So typically, what seems to happen from my observations, is that the guy seems to think he has to perform like a court jester, keep the girl laughing and entertained so she won’t blow him off. Why? Because he’s afraid that if he doesn’t maintain her interest she’ll get bored of him. So, he has to put in an extra effort and act in a way he wouldn’t usually act in order to “meet her standards”.
Why does he do this? Well, simply put, he doesn’t feel as though his natural self is good enough for her, so he needs to put on a show. And sometimes, if the show is good enough, she’ll want to see more of it. But the problem with this strategy is that it’s not sustainable. Sure, if the guy is just “cruisin for a root” as we say in Australia, he can be moderately successful using this tactic. However, this isn’t a channel for pick up artists, we’re here to discuss how to keep the girl, not just get the girl.
So Why is this a bad strategy in the long run for a guy?
Well, a healthy normal girl isn’t looking for a guy who is sooooo thankful that she’ll even talk to him, let alone possibly sleep with him. She’s not looking for a charity project, she’s looking for a guy who can take care of her. She wants to feel like she’s the one getting a good deal.
Now there are girls out there that are happy to take advantage of some guys lack of self-respect, and this is where you’ll see some crazy desperate behaviour happen. I remember one girl I met while I was on a workshop. She was a real piece of work. She confessed that, just before she met me, she had been chatting to a guy online. Within a couple of days of meeting her, this guy was picking her up from the airport, buying her clothes and a new suitcase, driving her around like a chauffeur and even gave her $1000 because she told him it was her birthday, which it wasn’t. I thought it was bullshit, until she showed me the clothes and the texts he was sending her. She even showed me another text where a guy had offered her $2000 just to talk to her. It’s totally nuts! But some guys will do that, because they believe they have no other value as a person other than being a walking atm. And girls like this one usually have a bone to pick with men in general and are using you to get revenge.
Stay far far away from women like this.
So how do I know if I’m one of these guys?
Ask yourself this simple question? Would I do the same thing for someone I wasn’t interested in having sex with that I had known for the same amount of time as this girl? If the answer is no, then you’re not acting yourself. You’re putting on a performance to win her approval and devaluing yourself as a human in the process.
What should be done instead?
You have to know within yourself that you are good enough for her just the way you are.
But what if I don’t feel good enough?
Well, this is where you’re going to have to put in some serious work to improve your self-esteem and self-worth and confidence. And guess what folks, this requires, god forbid, that you put in some effort. There’s, unfortunately no easy way around this. And anyone who tells you that there is a hack, or a “super-fast way to boost your self confidence in just 30 days” is frankly, full of shit. But if it means enough to you, you’ll do the work, and hiring coaches, like myself, are great to help you maintain focus on your goals.
So how can I get started?
Well, building confidence and success is a process of focusing on what you believe is important to you personally, setting yourself realistic and attainable goals that you can work towards, and feeling good about the progress you are making towards those goals over time. As your self-esteem and confidence grows naturally as a by-product of working towards something you consider purposeful, you will notice that you will naturally become more selective about who you allow into your life and who you choose to spend time with. And also, what you’re willing to tolerate in other people will change too. In other words, your standards will become higher. And that girl who you thought was initially completely out of your league, you’re gonna probably still find her attractive, but this time when you approach her, it’s going to be from a position of curiosity, not desperate approval seeking. You’ll be vetting her to see if she’s worthy of your time, instead of trying party tricks and one liners to desperately keep her from not getting bored of you. And that’s the guy she wants to go out with and have a relationship with! A guy who is confident about what they have to offer a potential partner will ask themselves the same question as the beautiful girl who has a healthy level of self-esteem. – “is this person good for me?”. A guy who’s comfortable within their skin and confident enough to just be their honest self amongst others is incredibly rare, and therefore highly valuable. It gives everyone you interact with the feeling they’re experiencing the “real you”.
And authenticity is a powerful aphrodisiac.