So first of all, when I say that Batman can teach us something about dating sugar babies I don’t mean that you need to be rich beyond most people's wildest dreams, be a hulking great monster of a man and have a jawline chiselled from solid granite.
Yes, Batman is the most alpha of alphas which I’m sure helps no end to attract women, however, I want to talk to you about a key element of his personality that is incredibly seductive.
Even if you stripped away all of Bruce Wayne’s material wealth and all his gadgets and gizmos and even his intimidating physique he would still have this quality that would ensure that he would still have amazing success with women.
And this is because he exhibits the traits of the dark gentleman.
Now before I go on to describe what the dark gentleman is to you, I want to tell you a quick story that will add some more context to what we’re going to be discussing in today's video.
Not long ago, I was in a coaching session with one of my clients.
Now, this guy is one of my star pupils. He’s listened when I give him advice and he puts my advice into action and as a result, he’s been reaping the rewards. He’s been having consistent success with the girls on sugar dating sites without needing to pay them allowances and getting into silly financial arrangements.
Anyway, yesterday morning I had with him what has now become a fairly routine conversation with clients...
It was the old “why do I feel guilty about all this?” talk.
My client met with a girl he had met on a sugar dating site, it was his second date with her. She’s about 22, smoking hot, I’ve seen pictures of her, and he’s in his early 50’s but in really good shape physically. Great guy, a really good person.
Anyway, they met up and ended up spending the entire weekend together. According to him they basically spent 2 days in bed. And according to my client, they had a lot of physical chemistry. Like it seemed like they genuinely liked each other and she seemed to have somewhat of a schoolgirl crush on him.
Anyway, as the weekend came to an end she had to catch a plane back to her home town so he dropped her off at the airport and as she got out of the car apparently her mood changed and she became depressed and after my client did some prodding she confided that she was disappointed that he hadn’t offered to give her any money. Like she felt almost violated that he didn’t offer any money. And this final interaction with her made my client feel guilty and sad that things had ended this way.
And while this is a very normal and empathetic way to respond to a person who feels as though they have been betrayed by you, in some ways, if you’re going to survive and thrive on a sugar dating site you need to learn how to regulate these feelings to an extent. You need to inhabit the traits of the dark gentleman.
Now in a nutshell the dark gentleman is a man who has the capacity to do malevolent things but is ultimately benevolent in nature.
They may display some characteristics of the dark triad ie narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy, however, he is able to temper and control these characteristics with, as Vincent Harinam calls it, the 3 p’s: parental investment, protection and provision.
So there are these contradicting forces at play here. And each side regulates the other.
This is a balancing act that a man must play inside them. For example, too much of the 3p’s leads to you being a quintessential pushover. Sure, you’re a “good guy”, but you’re a good guy who can be exploited by people who might be not so nice. You’re too innocent, you have no “street smarts”.
However, too much narcissism and you turn into the arsehole who doesn’t give a shit about anyone except himself.
Batman is the perfect example of the dark gentleman because while he’s inherently good he can also survive and thrive in the muck and the mire of the underworld because He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty if that’s what’s required to achieve his goals.
In the same vein, the sugar dating world is like the Gotham City that Batman inhabits. It’s absolutely teeming with scam artists and covert escorts and girls with severe emotional trauma and all manner of manipulative succubi and all of them are just waiting for a good unwitting upstanding guy to finesse out of funds.
Sugar dating sites like seeking.com and secret benefits and mysugardaddy are like a lily pond. They’re pretty and beautiful on the surface but just below this very picturesque veneer lies a bunch of shit and corruption. And if you want to swim in this lilypond then you’ve got to protect yourself, and the only way to do this effectively is to regulate your natural urges to provide and protect with a reasonable level of self-centredness.
I know this doesn’t sound terribly moral, because as a man you’ve been told all your life that your job is to protect and care for women, possibly even put their needs ahead of your own.
And one of the main rules behind the way I teach guys how to date the girls on sugar dating sites without having to pay them is to do so in a manner that allows them to look at themselves in the mirror and sleep soundly at night because I think that’s the most important thing of all.
And I’m certainly not saying all women on sugar dating sites are bad people. Far from. I’ve met some really great girls who were really just after a guy who could look after himself and that’s about it. According to those girls, guys that can look after themselves are in pretty damn short supply, and that’s kinda sad…
However pretty little twenty-somethings are incredibly good at making you want to care for them, BEFORE THEYVE EARNT IT FROM YOU.
So you need to learn how to suppress these natural urges you have to provide for people who haven’t earnt your loyalty.
And earning your loyalty should consist of a little bit more than just a reasonably executed blowjob.
No, you are not a psycho or a selfish manipulative arsehole if you invite a pretty girl to come and have fun with you, she accepts, has fun with you, decides she likes you enough to sleep with you, and then decides AFTER THE FACT that “oh hey wait a minute, wasn’t I supposed to be getting paid or something?”.
But if this happens they will try to make it your fault. They’ll try to make it sound like you did something wrong and now you owe them something.
Don’t fall for it. You’ve done nothing wrong. Nobody got hurt, everyone had fun, what’s the problem?
And besides, are these girls saying that they didn’t mean it when they said You were funny and cute and all that other nice stuff they were saying?
Was I only funny and cute because you thought there was money on the table? Did you mean anything you said? Because I meant everything I said. I said I like you and I still do. But did you mean it when you said you liked me?
I mean, who’s really betraying who here? Do guys' feelings even matter these days?
My client, who I was talking about before, was genuinely conflicted. He genuinely liked the girl and wanted the girl to genuinely like him back.
But was she just playing a role in the hope she could get money out of my client? Who knows for sure. My client said he was convinced she had a schoolgirl crush on him but was that all for show? He was genuinely hurt that it might’ve all been a bullshit act, but then he felt guilty that he perhaps should’ve done something to help her financial situation, like she was owed that or something…
But The bottom line is that it should take time to earn your loyalty and consistent good behaviour. And yes, when they have earned your loyalty then, by all means, provision away! They should have access to all your resources after they have proved their loyalty to you.
But they need to really earn this from you because it’s a massive and expensive undertaking for you to literally look after all the needs of another human being. So you need to make it hard for them, they need to work for it, and you may have to be a bit of a dick but they’ll respect you more and they’ll appreciate you more when they finally get it.
But in the meantime, Your job is to do no harm. Don’t get them pregnant, look after them when they’re with you, pay for dinner, and be kind. All that stuff.
But remember, you don’t owe them anything and vice versa. You should have no expectations, no covert contracts, and neither should they.
As much as you’re going to be told that you’re being a dick by not paying the girls, and yes, if you promise the girls money and then renege then You are being a total dick, you have to develop the traits of the dark gentleman.
Be a dick, but be a reasonable dick. And don’t get sucked into taking responsibility for something or someone you’re not responsible for.